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the rest of me just ate the best.
03.20.2006 | 11:05 am i have to take diabetes education tommorrow, which is my birthday. :( how crappy, eh? i think i'm going to have to prick my finger dialy for a blood sugar check & maintain a sensible diet. no more piggin' out on sonic fries or ice cream. i've been thinking a lot about how everysone seems to think i've sort of 'messed up my life' or 'thrown my life away.' on the contrary, i think i did something productive with it. everyone expects me to be unhappy & miserable (& sometimes i am, but no more than the average person.) i almost pity the other people my age. most of them are running around with no thoughts or cares in their mind. going to clubs, doing drugs, hanging out with their friends at football games, getting drunk every weekend ... & yeah, not too long ago, i found happiness in that too. except i wasn't THAT happy. it was just something to do to pass the time. to pass the time until what? what the hell was i waiting for all that time? college to come to me? someone to call from "the tyra banks show" & tell me i should model? what the fuck was i waiting for? i'm betting the kids i once hung out with don't know either. half of them are 20 or older, not in college, barely (or not at all) employed, & they don't think anything is wrong with that. that is why i pity them. i have something. something amazing happening in my life that a lot of people don't EVER get to enjoy. love. birth. happiness. partial independence. (we're still living with my parents until we can afford a place.) i'm not jealous of them like i thought i would be, but they still think i'm an unhappy little shit. i just wish i could get people to stop treating my pregnancy like cancer. it ISN'T a disease, guys. it's a blessing. i've wanted to do something outside all weekend, but it's been raining non-stop. even now, it drizzles rain. when it does stop, it will still be too wet to do anything. being inside & alone all day drives me batty. i watch tv, nap, pick up a bit, play videogames, or make layouts :( that's about it. when it isn't raining, i like to sit outside & eat or read. go get the mail. little things like that. & when jesse comes in, try to seduce him into taking a stroll around the yard with me ... which he never wants to do. i think i eat too many popsicles. hopefully, i'll have a better birthday than i think i'll have. a cake would be awesome!, but i couldn't eat it if i had it. poop on my birthday boo bahs. |
