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you can call me anything but a cunt
04.26.2005 | 3:06 am Hm. I haven't updated here in a good, long while. So, I figure I might. Now is as good a time as any, eh? Well, I'm growing up. Moving on. Getting shit together. I think I've finally reached a comfortable state of seemingly happy, yet mildly depressed. & I'm prefectly fine with that. Today, since it's 3:11 a.m., I'm going job hunting. Seriously. I'm applying at: I don't particularly have anything to spend my money on, aside from cigarettes & the occassional dime bag, that I could now afford with a job. & gas, after I get the car. So, I'm going to spend it on something very worthwhile -- getting Jesse closer to MS. Of course, he's going to argue with me & deny my money, but I'm an evil, evil girl & he can only deny it so long. Yep. He'll start missing me & I'll start missing him & taking a few hundred dollars from me won't sound so bad, when he realizes that he gets laid for it. Or happy. Same difference. I feel productive lately, for absolutely no logical reason at all. I think Jesse's productiveness is making me feel more accomplished. I dont' know why though. That's really fucked up. I've been having these horrible, dreadful pains in both of my sides. Mum thinks it's like a gallbladder/ovary cyst combination. She's taking me to the doctor sometime (so she says) & getting it checked out. I figure it has something to do with why I haven't gotten my period yet. Being 3 weeks (almost a month) late is NOT a good sign. I'm not pregnant. At least not according to the tests that I've taken... Something's going on inside that shouldn't be. I'm pretty sure of that. Chrono Trigger is just pissing me off now. I want to give up, but I'm so close. So close that I can smell Lavos little alien being breath. Fuck. I'm such a dork. Things with everyone else is fine, I guess. I don't really care, to tell you the truth. I feel bad for Jesse having to work & do a bunch of bullshit - just for me, but I hope it's as worth it as he thinks it is. He's the greatest. He really is. I have no idea how I ever happened upon such a magnificent man. Who doesn't make me doubt my sexuality or how gorgeous I am or how great of a person I am. Woah. He's just the best thing that's ever happened to me. & I miss him so fucking much. ... so fucking much. I'm talking to this lady named Chrissi. She's awesome. Like an aunt, but a cool aunt I can talk to about sex & drugs & rock'n'roll. She's 35 & lives in Missouri. I think I like her. Not to mention, she's gorgeous. I should be sleeping.
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