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i think it would be best for you to take a small swim in a big ocean.
03.28.2005 | 11:12 pm I finally repainted my nails today. I was tripping the other day & decided to paint them. God knows what possesed me to do this - it's hard enough to fucking stand, why would I try to paint my nails? Needless to say, I had polish up to my knuckles. I think I took a picture. I don't really remember. Do you ever listen to a really good song that's say, 2:34 long & wish it was longer, because you don't want to press play again. Yeah. Well, I do. & it's starting to bug me. Songs that good should definitely be at least 5 minutes. I was supposed to clean today & I did for about 10 minutes. I picked up a paper plate & other various objects on the floor & retired. I watched Rugrats & fell asleep in the chair with the heating pad placed on my left side. I really should get my priorities straight, again. But, I'm lazy & there really isn't much I can do about that. It's in my bloodstream or something. I say 'or something' way too much. I probably say a lot of things too much. I'm a very repetitive person, I figure. It seems that way to me, anyway. I don't see how people don't get bored with me. I'm bored with me. But I do like me. I think my self-esteem is plummeting & I don't know why. My hair is softer, my skin is clearer, my weight is dropping, I have an incredible boyfriend, my friends are darling, I have the pseudo-perfect life. What the fuck is wrong with me? I should really cheer up. I'm not depressed or anything, just bored. Like, I feel the urge to go bungee jumping. & I would, if I wasn't so afraid of heights. I was thinking about that Randie chick. The one who had the biggest crush in the world on Jesse. I would have probably been really good friends with her, had situations not been so fucked up. She seemed to be a realtively nice girl - a little fucked up & obsessive, but nice. When I talked to her, I was nice. Excrutiatingly so, when I really wanted to ask her why she was mentioning Jesse so much. I didn't. I just smiled & nodded, because that's what I do in the presence of loony people. She went to him & told him that I was weird & dressed strange. Hmph. I'm not weird, at all. Maybe a bit quirky, but definitely not weird. & I don't dress strange - I have style. Fashion. & just because it isn't Midnight Black-on-Blackest Black, doesn't mean that I dress weird. Goddamn. It offended me more that she insulted my sense of style than her calling me weird. Because I can accept the fact that my personality may be a little off, but my clothes are a representation of my personality - which I guess, when you think about it suits her opinion of me. So, fine. Randie, you win. I want to pinpoint all the things about myself that are wrong. I can't really explain what I mean by that, because I don't even understand it. But, I want to do it. I will later. But I won't. It's really lonely here. No one is ever home. I've seen my parents a total of maybe 30 minutes today. & they won't get home until 3 a.m. or so & then they'll sleep & I'll watch TV or go to my room & they'll wake up 6-ish & make breakfast, wash some laundry, & leave again. Or I'll fall asleep before breakfast. I probably drive my mum nuts, because I take every opportuinty I have (when she's home) to talk to her. She doesn't really listen hough, but that's a-okay. All I really need is someone with an eardrum to vibrate my vocals off of & I'm happy. It doesn't matter if you listen or not. But, if I catch you, you will get yelled at. I told her that Chris was going to give her a 'tongue lashing' & she thought I meant he would yell at her. Haha. She's so oldschool. I love her. I told Jesse that I would sleep with him, so I figure I might as well. I am kind of tired, even though I slept most of the day. Aw well. I need as much rest as I can get, lately. |
