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you love me, but you don't know who i am ... so ... let me go.
01.24.2005 | 2:51 pm i've finally decided to do things that are best for me & not just what i want. i think i'm getting more responsible or something. i'm at least realizing that i can't just run around & do as i please & expect no consequences. & for once, i don't want the consequences. my feelings are all jumbled up right now. one day i'm on top of the world & the rest of the time i'm either asleep or crying, basically. i take intermission's to sing & dance to some song that shouldn't be sung or danced to & then i talk to jesse. he makes my little world brighter. & i am in every way in love with him, as a person, & i think that's better than the way i started with everyone else. we got to know each other as people instead of sexual creatures or agendas. it's annoying not getting to see him, i admit, but once he moves back ... whenever, it's going to be bliss. or not. i'm realistic about things, so i'm damn certain it won't be bliss, but i bet we'll both be happier, especially if he feels anything remotely identical to the way i feel. how the hell did hm. i've been cleaning the house & sucking ass to get my sentence reduced. a really stupid parent had to invent "grounding" as punishment. i mean, hell, it punishes them, too, so what's the point? she's destroying my social life. seriously. i should just invite like, 18 people over & tell her to kiss my ass. no, i'm not rebellious at all. i'm really not. i'm just ... stubborn. & vindictive. i've forgotten how to apply make-up, because i haven't put it on in so long. that, my friends, is when you know there is a serious problem in miranda's life. i've been trying to download source tags & codes for the past 2 weeks or so. it will never download. it's buggin' me. i want to listen to it & see what's so great about it, but i can't! grrr. i've decided that i want to get really trashed for my birthday. i mean, really trashed -- to the point of where i'll need a hospital to revive me. i don't care about the punishment or whatnot. i just want to get smashed. so, on my birthday, i'll do anythng you put in front of me. happy birthday to me! i fucking love flava flav. he's so cute & ghetto. what a man! i wish i was kidding. & i wish i could be a lot more serious about things than i am. & i wish that i could make up my mind about what i want, but it doesn't matter, because like i said - i'm doing what's best for me. & getting rid of everything that can negatively effect me. well, most of it, i think. i'm annoyed. |
