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Because the truth is that gossip is as good as gospel in his town.
01.18.2005 | 2:03 pm I haven't been around much lately, eh? Nope. Nope, I haven't. Well, my illness is gone. I have a minor hacking cough, but that never really goes away. Oh, but today I started my period (in my brand new pants, mind you), so I assume that isn't a good sign of things to come. Ummm, I've been staying with my grandparents for the past few days. Well, ever since Friday. See, the family had a big falling out about this, that, & the other, so I decided to walk to my grandparent's, but mum went hostile & refused to let me. (Some bullshit about how I was sneaking away to get picked up by a boy of some sorts, which I wasn't.) So, I left anyway. That didn't fly with the mum, so they came later to "make sure I arrived safely." My grandmum told me I was very welcome to come live there with all the family problems going on & I accepted on the spot, mostly because I was pissed. I came back home that afternoon & grabbed some clothes & slept there with kids. Saturday, I stayed & participated in the baby-sitting of young ones. Josh was there, too. We hung out most of the day -- wandering through fields & talking of our lives & such. We sat at the barn for hours & talked about love, sex, drugs, parents, school, & all the good things conversations are made of. He's so ... mature now, yet ...not. I hope I maintain that childish flair with my maturity (if I have any), because it's a refreshing change from the usual pesonalities that plague me. Anyway, we plotted to go rent movies & visit Heather. & we did. We rented "Walking Tall" (his choice) & "Stuck on Me" ({?} my choice). I wanted "Without a Paddle", but he didn't want to watch it. We then went to see Heather & chilled, literally, in her hallway by the furnace for a half hour or so. We left & drove by his ex's new boyfriends house & stopped by Tyler's apartment. I talked to Mandy & Josh & Tyler went to the store. We went home, put in a movie, & dozed. Sunday was a bothersome day to me. Josh ran off hunting & no one else was there. Sam watched foolball all day & my grandmum did basically nothing. I wandered off aimlessly into the pastures & meadows to think (& smoke). I fell asleep on the ground & woke up with fuzzy grass in my hair & all over my coat. Then I took a pee in the wilderness, which was something I did not enjoy at all. Josh came back & I convinced him to go get Ms. Heatherest. We picked her up & went to Josh's, then travelled swirling country backroads & listened to rap music. Luda is oh, so lovely. We walked to the delapidated barn & made small talk for awhile, then retired to our beds & passed out watching Joe Dirt. That movie always reminds me of Coach Sims, which reminds me of the Sims game & that makes me think of Coach Sims as a Sim & that, my friend, is a funny image. We woke up SUPER early Monday morning & Heather ate wild hog meat or something. I didn't. Everyone left for some reason or another & Heather & myself were left to take care of Levi, darling. He flirted with her & I pretended to call the cops on him. He was cute. We watched Popeye & she braided my hair. We took numerous trips to the creek, some with & some without Josh. Levi tagged along & got lost in the woods once. Then he fell in a sewer. I laughed & Heather punished me by putting dandelion fuzz in my hair. & then she fell & recieved grass-stained knees. I felt grungy. I talked to her a lot about Jesse & the way I felt about him & I read her the letter I wrote him -- She seemed suprised I could compose something like that, of course it started off rather undefined & cordial, but progressed into a flat out expression of emotions. Remind me not to apologize to anyone, again, ever. I was going to stay at my gradmum's longer especially because of the "house/clothes" incident, which I don't want to explain, but she had to take Heather home. We did, in much silence, & went to Wal-Mart, where I accumulated quite a handful of purchases. She kept talking to people I didn't know, so I took the keys & told her I was going to the vehicle. Whilst I was sitting on the bench outside though, I saw Noonie, Josh's ex, with Bradley. Hm. She's so ugly. & fat. & yeah, I CAN talk. We eventually left & went home. It felt weird being at home after NOT being for so long. I went to my room & put on the amazingly long data CD & checked my mail, where I ran into Jesse. We apologized & did that thing we do. I went back to my gandmum's to get the rest of my things & decided I wouldn't move in ... just yet. When I came home, I spent my night on the phone with Jesse, interrupted with Heather trying to figure out what "tig o bitties" meants & Justin calling to brag about winning 2nd place in B-ham. He talked to Jesse for awhile, by my turning the phone(s) upside down & letting them chat, courtesy of my phone bill. That was whack. I watched Roseanne. & fell asleep. I don't know what I'm going to do about my mum &/or dad. They're really pissing me off & not in the normal, general sense of pissing their teenage daughter off. My mum grounded me for taking a picture of her. What the bloody fuck? My dad barely speaks anymore, because she verbally attacks him all the time. & my grandmum told me to hide all the guns & medicine, because SHE thinks that she's suicidal. Goddamn. & my granddad's in really bad condition too. He won't eat & when he does he pukes. My theory is = death. Because it's very typical for your body to shut down it's functions before death; my grandma did the same thing. She got weak & pale, stopped eating, & then her organs started to slowly shut down. I hope he doesn't decide to die right now, because I don't think my dad could take all of that bullshit. Plus, when grandpop's goes, the family is going to freak out & go to court over his belongings & such. So much drama is so annoying. I'm hungry, I think. & sleepy. So, someone do my physics work & I'm off to get a burger. Crise better not hurt my Heather or I shall be eternally pissed at a boy that I barely know. & it's REALLY funny when people have to admit they were wrong about something. I mean, really, really, really wrong. Har har har. Aw man, I'm gonna revel in this. Oh yeah & Jesse said something last night that had uh, meaning to me, I guess. He said something about how if we had never used drugs that we would rarely even think about it - like Heather, but since we have & we know the joys & pains of it, we think about it almost daily & contemplate it's use. He's right, but there really isn't a cure for the way we've fucked up our minds into thinking. Well, there is, but it's really expensive, I bet. I just thought about that a lot & it made sense, but ... there's no solution. No logical one, anyway. Food, right? RIGHT! |
