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I scream sayanora, oh, oh, oh.
11.28.2004 | 12:55 am that's the last time i hold your hand & pretend it's nothing more than the drop in temperature. But im not quite sure you see it that way. See, I've held your glance for far too long, on way too many occassions. I've contained myself as to not make a fool out of a silly little girl who can't seem to keep her pants on. & you still want nothing more to do with me than you did the day you met me. It's taken a while for my mouth to get aquainted with new tongues & none take lead as well as yours. my hands aren't familiar with the curves & configurations of the bodies i've been touching lately & i have half a mind to never touch another. i don't know if it's the toxins flowing though my bloodstream from the knives plunged deep into my back or the instances when i laugh & turn to kiss a non-existant you, but something tells me i've been sober for longer than i should be. & for once, you have too. as god as my witness on this lonely night in november, i'll search the universe over & i can arrange it so that i never find anyone who can compliment me as well as you do. mistakes have become rituals & "im sorry's" as worthless as breathing. & forever, well, forever is something too overrated to explain. goddamn my thinking, eh? & goddamn anyone who's arrogant enough to think that's about them. because it probably is, you arrogant fucker. & i'm leaving on a jet plane monday. not really. but i'm leaving in a car, for a 9 hour drive to the middle of nowhere, where i will probably be greeted by Southerners worse than myself. I'll stay there until Tuesday afternoon, where we leave & go to some casino, mall, fluorescent ridden town. It shoudl be more fun. & that's where we will stay until we leave Friday afternoon to come home. For anybody who feels that they can't live without my pleasant voice for a week, hit me up for the cellular number & we'll chat like schoolgirls [or boys]. It will be great fun. I realized something earlier today & that is that I am completely, thoroughly, & freakishly afraid of James. His voice even terrifies me. I have no idea why, though. I think I was always scared of him, which explains why I never wanted to be alone with him. & if I was alone with him, I would probably get withdrawn & scratch my arm until it practically bleed. I hope I'm never in that scenario. I just think it's kind of weird to be so afraid of someone & have absolutely no idea why. I think I may have pissed Jesse off & I care, but I really don't. It's not like I need him or anything. I just miss him, but he can be replaced. So can everyone else. Some are just harder to replace than others. & maybe I do need him, because why else would I be worrying if he hated me right now? I crush him, but I think it's only in a completely sexual way. He's intelligent & he has a good charasmatic personality, but he does lack a lot of personality, as I'm sure I do too. I think all great liars, actors, poets, musicians & the like lack personality. They're just simply an inhabitant of what they've made of themselves, if that makes sense to anyone, besides me. I think my writer's block is gone. I think I should be asleep. I haven't eaten anything today, I just remembered. I am quite hungry. I'm off to indulge in the pleasures of the digestive system. |
