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We rock - We rock - We rock - to the new sensation!
10.22.2004 | 8:45 am For the pure hell of boredom & nothing else to do - I'm going to make a list of the mix CD's I want to make later. Sing along & dance mix & this is my life. Another sleepless night, of course. I'm stained & I feel sick. I'm jittery & moody as hell considering I've had only one cigarette in an almost 24 hour span of time. I think I'll be going alone tonight. Nothing unusual though. My friends never have time for me, anyway. I don't really want to go alone, because I know it'll be forced making out & possible sex shit & quite frankly, I'm not in the mood for it right now. I love James dearly, I really do, but I would be more than content just lying on the ground talking about nonsense than pretending to be happy while he fingerfucks me in Dusty's bed. God. I mean no offense by that. I don't. I just ... want to have things my way & not have to be all full of shit about it. & it's really fucked up, because if I'm honest & tell someone what I want - they think I'm a selfish bitch. But if I don't say anything & just let them control the situation & I'm unhappy - they tell me I should be more decisive & take control of things. Argh. I suppose I don't mind being a gargantuous bitch. I have a bad habit of spilling the recent events of my life to my mother when I don't sleep. Hence, me sitting on my couch this morning at 5 a.m. blabbing about James, Justin, Heather, and other various things. Did she listen? Not really. She just humored me & looked up occassionally to ensure that I had at least 60% of her attention. I didn't. Scrambling eggs did. Aw well. If I had a band they would be called collide the ocean or some shit like that. 'Cause apparently - I'm emo. & emo means what? Emotional, right? Well, I'm really not that emotional at all. I think the reason I dig the music so much is because they bitch & whine, so I don't have to. So I can get my feelings out through them. Make sense? Why am I talking about this? M house is still 17 degrees hotter than hell, thanks to my air conditioner deciding to die in the midst of the warmest days of almost winter. Just my fucking luck. Hm. Dusty told me once during a palm reading that I was a magnet for good luck. I guess he was wrong or maybe he wasn't. See, maybe if my air conditioner kept working it would have short circuited & burnt my house down & burnt all my material belongings & killed the people I ... live with. Kidding, love, shit. I've been listening to Against Me! all morning. I don't know why. They don't suit my mood at all. & maybe that's why. They really aren't that great of a band - vocally & musically, but you know, I just can't help but to fucking adore them. For I am an idiot that has pathetic taste in music. Burp. |
