 |
|
Take this name & this number & file it under never again; not even as your friend.
09.04.2004 | 1:30 am Where did I go tonight? I went to Bonita Lakes to ignore Wretched Flamingo & cheer on Blind Innuendo & to see Mr. Carll, Logan, & Morgan play, but time ran short. I had great fun. Shoot me, but I think I'm in love ... again. But this time, I'm perfectly fine & happy with it. I'm just uber afraid of any sort of commitment. I can't even commit to one deodorant. Or hair dye. Or type of jeans. What makes someone think I'll commit myself to them? I don't know. I'm confused in a way that I shouldn't be and it's all because of that fucker. By fucker, I mean Justin. He taught me not to love. And goddamn, I was so used to being abandoned for music & thrown to the side that I never realized how great it feels to just have someone amaze you with every little thing they do. James danced & kissed me in the rain with lightening all around. It was beautiful & the happiest I think I've ever been. And he accidentally left his guitar at the lake. He was more concerned about me than his guitar, now that my friend, is a good man. A keeper, even. Dusty said I was a gypsy. And he read my palm. I supposedly have two great loves in my whole life -- one that I love madly and forever & one that I loved & lost that will always be in my mind. I have a long, long, long life line. I am one very fertile bitch. And I have more intelligence than I let people know. He also said I was a fire sign & I represent freedom & individuality, which in his religion or whatnot relates me to a gypsy. Falon's so damn hot!! End of subject. Blind Innuendo played this amazingly awesome song. It was the ender & it was great. It probably lasted about 5-9 minutes, but dear god, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. I hit Justin in the mouth & would have hit him more had James not forcibly removed me from his presence. I hate captivating people. I returned home around 12, which is sadly early for me, but Damien was tired & James had a curfew. Sigh. Am the only child that's parent's don't care about them? Whatever, that's another dramarama. Anywho, I talked to James for a short while until he retired to bed & here I sit, typing my memoirs to complete strangers. What a dick I am. I can say anything I want on paper, but I cannot for the life of me force it to come out of my mouth. And this does apply to my fear of commitment. Randomly, I saw Cheyenne tonight. He appears to be chilling with the Wretched Flamingo tribesmen. Good for him! I really hope I'm not going to be seeing a lot more of him. I had a total of like, 4 ex-boyfriends at the show tonight. Cliff. Chris. Cheyenne. Justin. And a few guys I just messed around with/talked to. I think WF played "Pints of Guinness..." but I couldn't particularly hear that well, considering it was pouring & I was locked inside Dusty's car. They also played fucking Brand New, which was whack. At least they didn't play the song I dig so much. And they never will. Stick a fork in me, ladies, I'm done. |
