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And you say you're so much better because you said you loved me then left crying, alone.
08.22.2004 | 10:55 pm I'm doing what I always vowed never to do -- cheat. I haven't talked to Chris in about 3-4 days. I've talked to James almost every night. Friday I invested my time in him, knowing I was still supposed to be with Chris. James makes me happy. I don't love James. And I may never love James, but I have to confess he does make me happier than certain other people ever have. We kissed. I got butterflies. I spent the entire night with him. He made me feel wanted and important and I haven't felt that way in a really long time. Months. And yes, this goes back into my relationship with Justin. James asked me to be his girlfriend. I gladly accepted his offer. Saturday I started getting really bad stomach pains. My mom had to play piano for a wedding and my dad had to work, so I had to sit at home almost in tears until she got home. Heather wanted to go to the mall, so I was going to deal with the pain long enough o let her run in the mall for a new pair of jeans, but her mom wouldn't let her go. My mom picked up my grandma on the way and I reread "Cat's Cradle" on the way to the ER and in the waiting room. I filled out papers and they took me back within 5 minutes. I took a pee in a cup and put on a stupid hospital gown. Then a nurse came in when I was changing and I heard the phrase "blood work" and refused to come out of the bathroom. It took about 10 minutes to coax me out. When I came out I argued with the nurse about how I had a kidney infection and they didn't need blood, then I argued with the doctor. I finally agreed and she poked me, but my vein rolled. It took 4 nurses and 4 pokes, to finally get blood. Two collapsed veins, and an IV prep. I lay in bed and talked to James until they came to get me for an ultrasound. I did that and waited another hour or so for the results. They found an ovarian cyst and gave me pain medication and told me to skidaddle. James was going to stay with me that night if I had to stay, but I didn't. Beat that. I'm having this strange conversation with Justin right now. I would show it, but it shows him in a somewhat humble position and me being the one demolishing our relationship. Weird how things work out, eh? I wrote Brookes an email a few days ago and then I find out she let half the goddamn school read it. I had a few personal things in there, but not that personal. It just annoys me that Ali Godwin knows my love interests, favorite band, who I hang out with, and where I spend my weekends. Welcome to the real world, Miranda. da whitemagician: i know im just an ant to you
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