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I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'm never over you.
08.08.2004 | 4:30 am Hm. I had a really cool night tonight. It felt like one of those "movie" nights when they make a movie 2 hours long about a night gone to hell or something... nevermind. I don't really know why exactly, but it was decent. I'll explain later. I think I just learned that I like spontaneity (bad sp!). But, yes, I do. It's much better than just making plans and watching them crumble. I also like tagalongs and Camel Light cigarettes. Heather spent the night with me Friday. We went to Meridian with Damien and basically hung out. I finally met the guy the Shaunna stalked in the mall one day. We ate at Taco Bell, went to visit my grandmother, chilled at corporate stores that only sell edited CD's, and tried to break into some country club-ish pool. We failed, so we came home. Heather and myself stayed up until wee hours discussing the men in our life, or lack there of in my situation. She forced me to drive a four-wheeled hell demon in chicken shit and show her kittens at 4 a.m. Hm, she's in trouble because instead of going home at 10, she came home at 2. Bad girl. I didn't do it! I ventured into the Underground tonight, due to Falon asking me to come. If I haven't mentioned Falon before, it's because I'm an idiot. Falon's a pretty - correction - gorgeous red-haired dame that I have a weird girl crush on. Creepy, eh? Anyway, I spent most of my time hanging out with her, Chris, and followers. I hate being the leader of a group of people and I always am. It's poop. I talked to Justin. For both of our sakes I will not mention what was said or what went down, just because I don't want to. I know and that's all that matters to me. Damien wanted to visit BAM for 5.2 seconds so we took a little trip over there. Chris decided he'd tag along with us, so that's exactly what he did. Damien looked at photography books, Chris looked at religion books, and I sat on the floor looking at Andy Warhol's finest works and reading MAD magazine. Who's fucking cultured? Chris and Damien, that's who! Religion bores me and photography is a natural gift and doesn't take reading books to discover. Mad magazine takes lots of knowledge to comprehend, really. And so does the majority of Andy Warhol's creations. Anywho, we ditched BAM for better company and headed to the bowling alley. Damien wanted to bowl with people who I hated when I was a mere 12 years old, so I just tagged along. I hung out with Chris most of the time, give or take the 15-20 minutes I chilled with Mike and crew. Mike seemed to be the only person there with any interest in making me feel partially welcome, so I left because I just felt whack. I never bowled, for the record. Chris left and I talked to Chris Meaders of all people, for a good 15-20 minutes. Strange, eh? These people finally grew up and realized that everyone is a person, regardless of what they do or wear. Maturity kicks immaturity's ass to the max. I just got along with pretty much everyone and it was pretty cool hanging out with them, believe it or not. Damien mentioned something of feeling "out of place" at the Underground, but me and Chris felt drastically out of place hanging out with Damien's crew at the bowling alley. See, we do have enough courtesy not to mock Damien for his countryness, as the people he hung out with teased us relentlessly about our apparel and personalities. Great people they were. No sarcasm. I remember when I used to reflect and philosophize about life and things of importance and now all I do is avoid talking about my broken heart, talk badly or goodly (not a word) of people, or explain in excruciating detail what I spent my days doing. I am turning into a selfish, grumbling, social, annoying ass. My, oh, my. I'll be back once I get my mind straight. Right now it's soaking up as much fun and life as it can. Damien asked me on the way home why I didn't date any of the guys at the Underground. And I told him because I didn't like any of them. He says "Out of like, 20 different guys you can't choose one?" Well, I don't want them. I probably could have quite my pick, but truth be told I'm not attracted to any of them and doubt I ever will be. Chris is a good guy, and he asked me out, but I explained to him my current situation and my feelings and he understands his boundaries, so it's fine. We're friends. Nothing more, something less. Relationships aren't for people like me, that's what I know. Josh did a really weird hand motion at me at the bowling alley. I think he shot me. I should have played dead, but I didn't think of that until now. I just smiled my doofy smile and waved at him. I don't think doofy is a word either. I have not said fuck this entire entry. Darn! |
