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So tell me something that's gonna break my heart, because I know everything's my fault.
07.21.2004 | 8:18 am My god. I don't know what was wrong to me last night. Well, I know what was wrong with me, but I don't understand what I did. I apologize to anyone I talked to last night that I may or may not have offended. I would apologize to Justin because I'm damn sure I talked to him. I don't know what I said, but I'm sure it was something I regret, but it was probably also a slightly dramatic exaggeration fo the truth, for that's what happens when I'm drunk, so it probably went a little something like this: Miranda: I love you! Please don't leave me! I need you. This is hurting me so bad. Wah. Wah. Wah. I'm positive I cried, I just don't remember about what. In the meantime, Jesse was comforting me with every comfort bone in him. Poor guy. He insisted I call him before I did something stupid. Oh yeah! The "something stupid" was coming to see him. (Mind you, I was drunk and distance wasn't entirely important at the time.) My mind sort of went "Hey! Here's somebody that really cares about you. Instead of moping around the house you should go see them and cheer yourself up, you lonely bitch!" Anyway, I ended up calling him around 1 or 2 and talking 'til about 5. He makes me happy. He likes me as well. I can't completely say that I'm apalled, because I think I knew deep down, but now everyone knows. I would probably consider him a decent choice of relationship material if I wanted a relationship, but I don't. Not now and not for a good, long while. Justin sort of ruined the whole idea of love for me, so I'm just gonna say "fuck it" for now. Plus, I don't like Jesse in "that" way. I like him in "a" way, just not "that" way. I spent last night alone. I tried to call Brittany to come over but she wasn't home or something. I don't remember, exactly, but she never came. I went to sleep and woke up at 10:00-ish to an empty house. My mom was asleep and my dad was in Meridian. So, even if she could have come over, I couldn't have went to get her. Justin's supposed to be bringing my stuff over here today and I shall give him everything of his I own. 3 shirts. Boxers. 20+ CD's. Crystal lamp. Pulp Fiction, SLC Punk, and The Breakfast Club. 2 stuffed frogs and a stuffed Gizmo he won for me at a carnival. Pink and black knee-high socks. Pictures. Movie tickets. Necklace. 5+ rings. Letters. And god knows what else. It's everything. Every damn little thing that made me think of him when I looked at it. Someone is coming over here now. Today & tonight. I cannot, will not, and ... am not staying alone. And I need a cigarette, like a bitch! |
