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It's cold in the Arctic, but it's colder in your arms.
07.19.2004 | 4:16 pm So, my best friend wants my boyfriend, my best friend's brother wants me, and I would prefer to just drown in a vat of chocolate ice cream right now. Shaunna's been over here since Saturday. Most of the time consisted of me crying and babbling about Justin. I'm not gonna lie. I'm handling a break up the same as any other girl who actually loved the person she was with would. Sunday we woke up at 10 and went swimming in Raleigh somewhere. Her dad, mom, brother, and their cousin went. Her brother, Dwayne, loves the hell out of me. He gave me a $300 engagement ring and offered to buy me a guitar. Wow. Drastic measures? Very. He's a nice guy. Nicer than nice, and too good to be true. And, I don't like him. He spent most of his time "swimming", playing with me in the water and trying to hit on me. Shaunna spent most of her time being pissed off and flirting with other guys. I spent most of my time talking to Dwayne about Justin, which he none to well liked, I'm certain. Some guy asked Shaunna for my phone number. I think his name was Adam. She told him I was going through a "bad time" or whatever and took him off my hands. Normally, I would have been pissed if someone took a guy from me, but I was glad in that case. We came home and she stayed again. She's gone now though. She likes Justin too. Wee. What a wonderful world that I live in! I find it oddly ironic that we seem to talk more now than we did when we were together. He's called me everyday since we've been apart. Technically, I called him first, but I only called to request my stuff be brought back. He called me yesterday to tell me that he was going to his grandparents. I don't know why it's really any of my concern though. I see no reason to call and tell him I'm skipping country for a few days, so what's his reason. He probably expects me to go hugging his feet and kissing his toes telling him I love him adn want him back, although the last two statements are true, I never beg and I never kiss anybody's feet or toes. I was considering having someone give my stuff to him instead of him coming here. I don't really want to see him. I just know how it'll be. Awkward. And I'll probably cry and I don't want to anymore. I would like to kiss him one last time though. I don't know why really. Just to say goodbye, I guess. This is killing me a lot more than anybody fucking knows, except maybe my mom. Well, since Shaunna's gone, someone else is replacing her. I don't like being alone. At all. I think that's why I always liked Justin to call me. It made me feel less alone. Anyway, it'll probably be Brittany or Amanda. I just have to check with my parents first. And I've learned that the worst time to be alone is at night. And I thought she was you. Shaunna woke me up this morning by kissing me on the cheek and I swear I thought it was him. I don't know why or how it could have been, but when I realized it wasn't I pulled the covers back over my head and cried. I don't see why he's hanging on, but he is, and that means he still loves me, at the least. Because I can and it makes me feel better...
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