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You're just a pawn in this tragic affair, don't kid yourself by thinking she cares.
07.07.2004 | 3:50 am This is probably going to be long, so spare yourself the boring recollections. Sunday: I called everyone I know (basically) Sunday, which was the 4th, to do something, but no one answered the fucking phone. Heather was still in Vegas. Amanda was supposed to be in Destin, Fl. Justin was at his grandparents for the weekend. I finally decided to call Shaunna. You know, the girl I've know for maybe a week that went out with Mason? Her. So, she came over and we went to Meridian. We walked around the mall and some guys buggered us. She paid them $2 bucks to go away. She's awesome. We walked more and met more guys. I knew the guys that came up to us from the Underground, but I'd never really talked to them before. So, we all talked and walked around for awhile. We went to Wal-Mart and bought a bleaching kit and just messed around for about an hour or more. Robert and Chris (the guys) ran into us again in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Blah. They followed us back to the mall for the fireworks show and we walked fuckin 8 miles to the lake. Walking sucks. Handicapped people - thank god. Robert and Shaunna were practically making out during the fireworks. It was pretty. Chris tried to get his "game" on, but, um, yeah, Miranda's faithful. I almost cried during the fireworks. Corny, I know, but I missed Justin a lot and I wanted him to be there, not Shaunna, or Robert, and definitely not Chris. We all walked back to the truck and I learned Chris talks too much and knows nothing about most music. Mother, myself, and Chris sat in the truck on the side of the highway and talked, while Robert and Shaunna were laying in the back of the truck. I had issues with this, for I was ready to leave. Chris was bothering me and I was in desperate need of a cigarette. They finally finished whatever it was they were doing in the back of the truck (no assumptions made) and we came home. Robert called over here and they talked for awhile, then he three-wayed Chris and he kept telling me he loved me. I felt super fucking weird and got off the phone and went to the living room to watch cartoons. Monday: We woke up around 3 p.m. and just messed around the house. She bleached my hair. Justin called and we three-wayed Robert to set a good example of a boyfriend for Justin, but Justin's actually sweeter than Robert was being last night, so 10 bonus points for him! Woohoo. Tuesday: I woke up around 1-ish today and she was on the phone with Robert... again. I don't remember what I did after I woke up, but I know I called Justin after she got off the phone. I called him for a specific reason, but I forgot what it was. He asked to come over and I said "Sure." Shaunna finished dying my hair and it's this pretty violet pink color. I like it. A whole fucking lot. Anyways, Shaunna stayed home and me and loverboy went to Newton. She wanted me to try to get a carton of cigarettes, so I did. At the West End store. West End is Newton's ghetto. So, I went and got carded and it sucked. I had no ID, so I got no smokes. Bummer. We went to Shorty's to play pool and he won, over and over and over again. I felt ill. I had a little headache and I was really hungry. He got some guy he went to school with to run to BP and get some, but Shaunna had the rest of my money, so I couldn't get a carton and Justin's a greedy motherfucker. We went to KFC/Taco Bell and got food and then came home. He stole my geetar (guitar) for acoustic recording Saturday. I hate him for not coming to the show with me, because even if I have my friends there, I'll still be lonely. He's the only one I really care about seeing. He left and I took Shaunna home. My dad and I had this weird conversation about smoking last night. He told Shaunna she could smoke as long as my mom wasn't here. Obviously, this would piss me off, because everytime I've ever got caught with a cigarette by them, I get grounded or some bullshit. So, I grabbed him and pulled him into my room and locked the door behind me and started off with "We need to talk..." He said something about how he couldn't be there to hold my hand all my life and if I wanted to smoke it was my decision, he would prefer I not do it, because it was bad for my health, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He said, and I quote,"I see nothing, hear nothing, and speak nothing." So, I'm taking that as "I don't really want you to do it, but you're not my little girl anymore, just don't do it around your mom, because she would freak out, but if I see you or hear about you doing it, I'm not gonna tell her." I said something to that effect and he said "Exactly." so my dad's totally not as bad as I always thought he was. I have this disgusting thing on my leg. Shaunna said it looks like a spider bite, but my house is not supposed to have spiders. It's swollen and red and has this grayish color to it. Everyone officially grossed out now? Good. Shaunna's supposed to come back over here tomorrow - if court goes accordingly. She invited me to come with her to court and be her "cheerleading squad", but I don't think I'm such a great example of a friend to take to court with you. Plus, I would probably tell Judge Monroe to fuck off and die if he acted like a smartass, and he does. Always. I also have to go with Justin to some church youth night thing. It's gonna suck so fucking bad. I don't like church. I don't like the people there. And I'm almost certain it's gonna be weird. Methodist people are weird. And snotty. Minus Justin, but (whispers) he's not really Methodist. I'm actually scared. Not about the whole "people rejecting me" thing, but about them asking my religion or something, because I don't like being bothered about it. Justin's parents don't know. Mine do, but his don't. I'm more afraid of what his parents think than my own, aren't I a pussy? Speaking of pussy, I am one. You know the thing where you stick a hot lighter onto your skin and it makes a smiley face? No? Well, you do now. We (me and Shaunna) decided to do that yesterday at like, 4 in the morning. I told her about it and she thought about it for awhile and then just jammed it onto her shoulder - after I agreed to do it next. For the record, it hurts. If anybody ever tells you it doesn't, they're a fucking liar! She just rammed it in my shoulder and I just sat there and said "Fuck!" over and over until she took it off. I don't have a smiley face. Oh no, I have this three eyed alien on my shoulder. I ahould really update this more, so everything won't be so long. Plus, it keeps my brain functioning. My brain hasn't functioned properly in the past 3 days, because if it had - I'd be talking to Justin right about fucking now.
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