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the worlds not big enough for the both of us when we live in the same town
06.28.2004 | 11:20 pm God Send Conspirator: Coheed and Cambria HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN! I LOVE YOU! Now, I'm gonna go do what a girlfriend of my status should - kill herself. Okay, I'm not really gonna kill myself, but I do hate myself a lot right now. For reasons unbeknownst to the rest of you, and myself at times, I made a mistake. A stupid mistake. A mistake that wasn't quite made yet, but I still feel guilty about it. Dumb bitch! DUMB BITCH! Sigh. Today was Justin's birthday and I gave him a Hawaiian shirt and a Coheed and Cambria CD. A different one, of course. I guess he liked it. We went to his house and ate cake. With ice cream. I wanted to eat his head on the cake, but it's being saved for more important people. We left and went to Meridian were we almost met an early demise, due to extreme rain! It rained and rained and rained a little bit more until we pulled over at a hotel. We argued, something about Justin scaring me shitless and smoking. We left and went through lakes of water that covered the roads. It sucked and scared me. We got to the mall and got drenched trying to get from the van to the entrance. We ran into Phillip there and he followed us and we followed him around the mall. He annoyed me a lot. The mall flooded in a few places and I figured they woudl close it, but they didn't. We sat and talked to Phillip for awhile until the movie started and then ditched him for Dodgeball.It was pretty funny, I guess. We rode home in silence and I left his house within 10 minutes of being there. I dropped the bomb on him and he hates me. He says he doesn't, but I know he does. I don't blame him, I hate me too. For the exact same reason. On a shittier note, my dad got arrested today. He has $600-and-something to pay in fines for speeding, reckless driving, failing to yeild, ignoring traffic signals, and failure to acknowledge blue lights. They went all COPS style and searched him, threw on some handcuffs and carted him to the jailhouse, like a hardened criminal. If anyone knows my dad, he's anything but a hardened criminal. My dad's nice and sweet and honest. I love him. He admitted to speeding, but that's all. He was speeding to go to the hospital because his mom was in really bad condition. Cops suck. End of story. And I swear if I ever see that son of a bitch, they'll probably be paying my way out of jail. Anyways, they're taking him to court and want to strip him of his badge, so hurrah! Fuck, fuck, fuck the po-lice. Don't give a damn if your family is in law enforcement, so complain all you want. Justin's ill, but I wish upon a star that he'd call me. I feel so damn bad. I love him so much and I'm an idiot. I apologize for anything I've ever done you and I'll do anything to make it up to him. I'll never speak to another guy again if it'll make things better. I'm sorry. I honestly love him so much and no one even compares to him. I know he's immature and happy and annoying, but that's why I love him! I jsut realized that and I just realized why I fell in love with him in the first place. I just want to cry and kill Jesse. Jesse has no idea what he's done and he probably won't and even if he does, he probably doesn't care. He told me never to break Justin's heart and I never plan on it. God, I am such a fuck-up. It's been a bad day, again. (She said I would not understand.) Your wise ass comments could cheer you up. The emotional disturbance relax deep breathe. Sit back from the space in which you stand. Here and in demand. Don't touch a fresh wound that bleeds all over your carpets the stains. the story book remains and the page that states you've tied. Accept and then reply. Acknowledge the other guy, tired in the days that pasted away. Sporadically arranged across the floor when you've got it made.
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