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I love your pants around your feet. I love the dirt that's on your knees.
01.22.2004 | 7:58 am I watched a lot of Tom and Jerry [yes, the cartoon] yesterday. It was quite amusing if I must say so myself. I was thinking last night and realized I haven't done any actual "schoolwork" in about 2 weeks, so of course I begin working vigorously on something very unschoolworklike. What a great word. I'll already say this much, it has nothing to do with school and requires a lot of fucking work, but it's gonna be awesome. I can't tell you what it is right now, but I'll most definitely attempt to show you or at least tell you about it [when the hall is clear]. I went outside at three'o'clok this morning and froze my feet. I, of course, being the idiot I am decided to engage in a nice inhalation of death. I didn't put on shoes and went outside and stood on frosted ground for about 2 minutes until I figured out the cement would most probably be warmer. It was. Clanton is an odd fellow and he smokes weird. He can't drop the ashes, nor can he light it without the motions involved in lighting a crackpipe. I don't know why, but I found Clanton smoking very humorous. Oh yeah, Justin informed me that Monday [?] night when I was "over there, but not really" that we made out and other various tings. I was even more than partially naked. Oops. I didn't know that. He really has this shitty way of making me feel like crap most of the time. He knows he does it, too. We're talking about something and he gets pissed and says something that's not-so-mean, but will be if I comment on it. And I do. Then he shoots me down with "Well, you're just turning back into some depressed, drug-addict anyway." or "Since I'm not a good enough boyfriend for you why don't you go get somebody like Jesse. I bet you'd be happier with him than you are me." I don't have the slightest fucking clue what to say to that. I'm picturing people like Patrick and Mike practically suffocating with laughter over that for some odd reason. Anyway, it bothers me. I'm trying to have a sensible, decent conversation to sort things out and he says some shit like that, so I go into "whatever mode" and ignore him. I'm really fucking confused about my relationship now. We've both just turned into bitter, hateful people towards each other and that's not how it shoudl be at all. I don't know what caused it, but I want it to go away, desperately. I'm a moping, crying, slob without the happiness of Justin in my life [and that's really fucking pathetic]. It's currently flame temperature in my house at the moment. I need to shed some clothes. Jesus. Amanda has a birthday party this weekend at the bowling alley and I don't think I'll attend. I haven't had time to get her anything. I don't really want to hang aroudn the people she hangs around with. I also, don't have a ride, but everyone else that was invited does... with her. So I think I'll just sit at home or find alternative plans. Crumby. |
