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God only knows how much I love you and I'm pretty sure he has difficulty measuring too
01.20.2004 | 9:07 pm I don't understand the male species at all. I don't really think I'm supposed to, but it would be really nice to know how a guy's mind worked. I slept all of today. I was supposed to get up and go to Decatur to get my eyebrows waxed [gross!], but I didn't. I was really sleepy. I stayed home and slept until probably 7:30. I then proceeded to eat a corndog and drown Clanton in my whining about relatioships and he did the same. I went over to Justin's yesterday. I don't remember what happened. It probably wasn't important anyway. I talked to Clanton for about 15-20 minutes until Justin got calmed down with me. I slapped justin for a stupid reason that was only used because I was already mad at him about various other things. He slapped me back, but not as hard. It still hurt though. Clanton left and I went back into the shed. We talked, but nothing got solved. I started getting "dead" and he helped me walk to the house and I lay on the bed for the rest of te night. I don't know much of anything else that happened. I don't remember watching movies or making out or anything. He called me later that night and I don't remember him calling. I just remember "waking up" and being on the phone with him and I don't remember hanging up either. I feel really fucking horrible about last night. I know Justin hates me. I don't even have to ask, I know. I don't wanna talk to him out of embarassment and pure fear. I know he thinks the same things I do. This isn't going to work out much longer unless we do some major fixing. I think we're both running out of patience and love for each other. I really don't want this to end, but I know when things have worn out their welcome. And, I think I have. I don't know. I'd talk it out with him, but talking just leads to arguing with us. I don't know what to do and I'm not seeing him again until this weekend, if then. I'd really like to have a mature conversation face-to-face than over the phone like usual, where all we have to do if we don't accept something is hang up. We both need to grow up or this is never going to work out. I'm just sick of going in circles with him. It's either gonna get fixed or I'm jsut gonna let him go. I don't want to do that at all, but my happiness depends on it. |
